i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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