that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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