Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
