I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
