she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
