He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
