She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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