How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
