dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
