A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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