We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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