I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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