The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
