I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
