Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
