my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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