FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
