DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
