Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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