I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
