So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Holy shit dude........stairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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