no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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