just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
