I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
