So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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