A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
