Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize