it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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