9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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