WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
