You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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