I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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