My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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