I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
