At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just crazy horny about you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
