I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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