It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
