He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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