Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
