yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
