goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
