Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
