I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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