I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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