we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
