She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize