Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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