I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
