True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
