Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
