I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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