is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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