I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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