mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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