we have pet lesbian snakes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
