i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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