did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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