I showed him my bush... on skype.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
