i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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