Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
