So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
