im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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