He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
