It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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