I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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