Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
