If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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