planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize