its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
