I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
