dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
