What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize