Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
